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Because it feels good....
122 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to
take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know,
take it out on someone you don't know.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make.
I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying "Hello."

I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn?"

Suddenly, a manic voice yelled in my ear "Get the right f***ing number!"
and the phone was slammed down on me.
I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down
Robyn's correct number, I found that I had accidentally transposed
the last two digits.

After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're an asshole!"
and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it
and put it in my desk drawer.
Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad
day, I'd call him up and yell "You're an asshole!" It always cheered
me up.

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole' calling would
have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the
telephone company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?"

He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back
and said, "That's because you're an asshole!" and hung up.

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot.
Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I
had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting
for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale " sign in
his back window, so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his num ber on speed
dial) I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too.

I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"

He said "Yes, it is." I asked, "Can you tell me where I can see it?" He said, "Yes, I
live at 34 Oaktree Blvd. in Fairfax . It's a yellow rambler, and the car's
parked right out
in front."

I asked, "What's your name?"

He said, "My name is Don Hansen."

I asked "When's a good time to catch you, Don?"

He said, "I'm home every evening after five."

I said, "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"

He said, "Yes?"

I said, "Don, you're an asshole!"

Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a
problem, I had two assholes to call.

Then, I came up with an idea. I called asshole #1.

He said, "Hello."

I said, "You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.)

He asked, "Are you still there?"

I said, "Yeah."

He sa id, "Stop calling me."

I said, "Make me."

He asked, "Who are you?"

I said, "My name is Don Hansen."

He said, "Yeah? Where do you live?"

I said, "Asshole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd. , in Fairfax, a yellow rambler, I
have a
black Beamer parked in front."

He said, "I'm coming over right now Don. And you better start saying your prayers."

I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole." And hung up.

Then, I called asshole #2.

He said, "Hello?"

I said, "Hello, asshole."

He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are....."

I said, "You'll what?"

He exclaimed, "I'll kick your ass!"

I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance, I'm coming over right now."

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34
Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax , and that I was on my way home to kill my gay lover.

Then I called Channel 9 News and reported a gang war goin g down on Oaktree
Blvd. in Fairfax .

I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax . I got there
just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each
other in front six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter, and
surrounded by news crews.

NOW I feel much better.

Anger management really does work.:rofl
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